Mama.

Today, while we were cleaning, we found a photo album with baby pictures of me when  i was only a few days old and in the hospital. And there's the sweetest picture of my parents looking at me.
 And we were talking about everything that happened. And i was trying to imagine, later when i have kids that something that awful happened to them and i could only hope i could handle it like my mom did. She's seriously one of the strongest people i know.
She lost William, she almost died, and i almost died, correction, did die in front of her, i turned blue before they amputated my leg, and they brought me back.
My mom has had so much crap happen to her. Things that she didn't deserve. And she goes crazy and goes off about things a lot. But she's a great mom and person. She's definitely the best mom anyone could ask for.
So, i don't know if she'll ever see this, but if you do, i love you mama. :) And sometimes i don't appreciate you enough.
At the moment me and my brother are watching the Vanderbilt Cincinnati game. And, i'd like to say, Go 'Dores!
Hearts and moms.
- Kimberlee.

Pumped.

So, i played Just Dance 3 at like 10:30, i'm suppose to be going to bed cause i have to clean all day tomorrow. But, i feel like i could do 50 jumping jacks and run around the house. lol And... that's not good. Like, i said i have to get up and put away the Christmas decorations, AND clean the house tomorrow. Because we're having the New Years party at my house. And that will involve my mom stressing out all day.
But, i'm pretty excited for the party because me and my little cousin are going to be working on learning how to play guitar together, and it's gonna be pretty fun.
I'm sure i'll take pics, cause i love that kid. :) She's pretty cool. And i'll get to see my baby cousin, Kalin. And she's just the cutest little chunker you've ever saw. :)
Hearts and dancing like a crazy person at 10:30.
If i don't post tomorrow, Happy New Years!
- Kimberlee. :)

A night in pictures.

Two weekends ago, i celebrated my friend Kaitlin's sweet 16, at Opryland Hotel and i love all the pictures from that night, so i decided to post a few. :)

                                                         You got it! That's what our waiter said to us at the Italian restaurant when we told him thank you. :)

                                                 This is my favorite of the night. :)

                                                                      :)

                                                               I look EXACTLY like my mom in this picture.

Hearts and twinkly lights.
- Kimberlee.

Crazy people, getting crazier.

So, in the past two days, my memay has called me about 10 times wanting help for some reason or another. My pawpaw is in the hospital, as i've said before, and we're slowly discovering that over the 30 some odd years that my grandparents have been married, my pawpaw has done everything for my memay.
And i do mean everything. I kid you not, she called my brother to get him to bag the trash. She was afraid she'd fall. Granted, she has gotten crippled, but she wouldn't be half as bad as she is if she'd exert herself a little bit.
  i'd like to put a disclaimer on this, my memay is an amazing woman, and i don't know what we would've done without her growing up, but she's crazy. And getting crazier by the second. I have no idea what she'll do if my pawpaw can't beat this cancer. She also called me tonight to see if Tony could come up there because a man was coming by to bring Pawpaw's feeding tube stuff, and she didn't wanna be alone when he got there. I wanted to say, Memay, the man's working, why would he do anything to you? I'm pretty sure that nothing would happen.
  I have made this promise with myself since i've grown up a little, i'm going to be independent, and i'm not gonna be scared for some guy to drop off something at my house, just cause i'm alone and i'm a woman. And i'm also never going to let myself get out of shape. I'm in the process of getting myself back in shape. And i'm not going to get back out of it. It's really hard to workout sometimes with my disability(I really hate saying that) But, i'm going to slowly work myself harder, because i want to be able to do everything anyone else can. At least, as much as i possibly can. I'm not going to be 62, and not be able to walk around in Dollar General like my memay, or 50 and be in a power chair, like my nana. It's not that they're lazy, it's that, they just didn't know what to do. I think they've become lazy over the years of not doing anything because bad things happened to them.
But, I'm not going to be that way. bad things happen to people everyday, Lord knows bad things have happened to me, but i'm not going to let anything or anyone keep me down for very long. Life is just too short.
This post hasn't really turned into what i was starting it out to be, but they rarely ever do.
Hearts and not giving up.
- Kimberlee.

Merry Christmas :)

I thought i'd post a short blog and talk about my Christmas. :)
I'm very spoiled by my family, and i'm not going to be bored anymore for AWHILE. :)
I got a Kindle,Skyward Sword, Just Dance 3, Zumba, seasons 1 &2 of Vampire Diaries, and a guitar. :) Btw, this is from ALL of my family, not just parents, or grandparents. lots of people. lol
I also got like 200 dollars, and small things.
What'd you get for christmas? :)
Our tradition, is that every year we go to granny green's for lunch, and memay's for dinner. This year, in between, we had to visit my Pawpaw in the hospital. He's really sick because of the way he's reacting to the radiation. It's making him cough up flim, and he just coughs, and can't eat, because it makes the mucus choke him every time he tries to eat or drink. They're going to have to put a temporary feeding tube in.
He's getting better though, so it's been a little weird with him not being there for everything, but him getting better is all that matters.
On Christmas morning, we get up and open presents from our parents, and then go to Nana's in pjs and eat breakfast together all 32 of us. :) It's wonderfully chaotic with the little kids running around freaking out over what Santa brought them. :) And the food is ALWAYS delicious. :)
And, i'm about to go back to Nana's and eat with everyone, again, for dinner. :) So, after a day of reading and playing Wii, i'm going to go get stuffed and go to my dad's.
Hearts and Christmas.
- Kimberlee. :)

You don't go to church?

I get asked that question all the time. And the answer is always, no not very often. Because at my church, we have this old preacher who can't remember anyone's names, and i honestly never get anything out of his sermons. So, i don't see the point in going to church if i don't get anything out of it. There's no youth group, and our church isn't even big enough to do much to help other people, which is what church is suppose to be all about, right? And coming together to worship God.
But i do worship Him, everyday. So, until i find a good church, i'm going to continue to do that. I don't think that by me not going to church i'm going to go to hell. I don't think anyone that doesn't go to church, and is still a good person, is going to hell. I think that a lot of Christians think that God is a lot more harsh than He actually is. I mean, He has an awful lot to do, do you honestly thing he's going to send you down with the Devil cause you didn't go to church that often, and had sex before you were married? No.
I get a lot more out of listening to Christian music, and just reading the Bible occasionally than i do by going to my church. So, no, i don't go to church that often, but i'm still a Christian, just not a crazy, cramming it down your throat one.
Hearts and Not going to churches that you don't learn anything
- Kimberlee.

Don't settle.

Today, while i was cleaning my room, Stupid Boy by Keith Urban came on. And the gist of that song is that a boy made a really smart girl not believe in herself because he tore her down all the time.
I think that a lot of teenagers do that, girls and boys. It's worse with girls though, they start out being charming and sweet, and then they start being mean, and we just assume it's our fault because that's how we are.
But really, it's their fault, they're the one being a dick. No one should ever be treated badly. If someone treats you like crap, no matter how you love them, or think you do. Leave. They don't deserve you. Everyone deserve there's prince charming, granted they're very few and far between, you just have to wait. Chances are, you're not going to meet who you're supposed to be with in high school.
It's happened before, but i only know two couples that have stayed together since high school. And yeah, breaking up is always gonna suck, but you have to do what's good for you. Stringing yourself along like that is terrible. If someone doesn't treat you like you're the best thing that's ever happened to them, then leave them. No one deserves to be treated anything less than the best, cause one day you'll find that guy or girl that looks at you like you're the stars.
So the next time you're in a relationship, or if you are right now, and they're treating  you crappy, and  you're starting to believe them, don't! You're beautiful, and amazing, and you'll find the right person for you eventually. :)
Hearts and being beautiful.
- Kimberlee.

Blessed

This weekend, I had so much.
I celebrated Christmas with four of my best friends, and Kaitlin's birthday with her and Danielle. And it was seriously so much freaking fun. And it made me realize how blessed i was when i heard the horrible news that a boy in my class's little brother and grandmother had died. By being hit by a train.
When i heard who it was, i was so sad. And when i saw their car on the news, I was with Kaitlin, her parents, and Danielle, and i cried.
There were sometimes this weekend, when i was having so much fun, that i stopped and thought, why do i get to have this? I'm at Opryland Hotel eating something so delicious, and laughing, when Jim Bob is at home with no little brother, and no grandmother now. It's so sad. And i felt bad, because my life was fine and i just continued to live it, but if anything it made me want to live even more, because i couldn't imagine what would happen if i lost someone.
I've never lost anyone before. And i could lose my Pawpaw, he has cancer, and he's been sick this last week. I think he can beat it though, he's so strong.
So, you should live your life to the fullest because you'll never know when it's going to be taken away from you.
Hearts and being blessed.
- Kimberlee

Family, the good, the bad, the ugly.

I should really be in bed right now, it's 10:30 and i need to look nice tomorrow.
But, i know even if i was trying to sleep right now, i wouldn't be, i'd be tossing and turning about this.
My family, is being broken up into pieces right now. And, i know my family is weird, and not like any other families. I love my family so much, they're amazing, and they're always here. They're just crazy, but i know that even if they don't agree with what i'm doing with my life, or whatever, they'll still support me no matter what.We're close, and sometimes being close is really really hard. Like, right now, one of my uncles has gone crazy because his doctor has him on the wrong nerve medication. And he's taken his sons away from their only grandmother.
It's tearing her up, her husband is going through throat cancer treatments. We could lose him, and that's another thing that terrifies me. But, the doctors haven't said anything about him dying. So that's a good thing, but if we do lose him, it'll be like when my great grandparents died all over again. My Pawpaw is seriously the strongest man I know. He's the only man, besides my step dad, and brother, that has never let me down.
And if we lost him, I just don't know what would happen. My brother would have a nervous breakdown, so would my little cousin Wesley, and most of all, My Memay. I have no clue what she'd do without him.
Anyways, though. Back to what i started this about. My uncle, is just being so mean. And, he's said so many lies about my memay, and my mom, that i really don't care to talk to him again. I've never been close with him in the first place.
My other uncle has always been my favorite.
I just wish he'd stop hurting the people i love and care about, because it's tearing me up, because of that.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated for my family right now!

Why ya gotta be so mean?

Today, i witnessed something really really sad, that i've never seen before. I've never seen people be so mean, with someone sitting literally right there.
There's this guy at my school who is openly gay, and i think he's pretty brave. I live in a very small town, with pretty closed minded people. Not all, it's gotten a lot better than it used to be. But he was sitting all by himself in the theater, and they had skipped a seat because they didn't want to sit near him. But they had one more friend that wanted to sit there, and they were arguing that they didn't want to sit there. And it was sooo sad! I wanted to tell him that it was okay, and that he could come sit with me and my friend Kaitlin. But we didn't have anymore room in our row, either.
And i wanted to tell those idiot bitches behind us, do you realize how you could be affecting this guys life? That just last week, a kid in Cheatham county killed himself because he was bullied, because he's gay.
And the girls behind us said about let's call her Alice, "She probably wouldn't hang out with us if she wasn't on the team, she hang out with Jim Bob and the weird kids."
I knew exactly who they were talking about, and those people had been in my theater class second semester last year, and, yeah, they were strange, but who isn't? They were really nice people!
I try to be nice to everyone that is nice to me, or has never given me a reason to believe that they're rude or mean. And if everyone did that, people wouldn't be bullied.
So, if you're reading this, i hope you think a little more the next time you say something to someone, that it could impact them way more than you think.
Hearts and Being Nice.
- Kimberlee.

Life goes on, no matter what.

Tonight, was the football banquet, i went with my family. I was so excited to finally be going to a football banquet. But when i got there, i didn't want to be there. I didn't want to see my brother crying, reliving losing football all over again. And every time i think about it, i can't believe that technically, tony has five months left of getting to be a kid, with no consequences and not worrying about money, and worrying about what the hell he's gonna do with his life.
We've actually gotten closer these last few months, and it makes me so sad that we just now got close and he'll be leaving soon, but honestly, i think he'll live at home for awhile and commute, which is perfectly okay with me.
But, eventually, he'll move out. And i won't have anyone to vent to about how stupid our teachers are, and that lunch sucked today because of this.
I just can't believe that they're growing up, which means, I am too. It seems like yesterday, me and Kaitlin were in seventh grade, talking about how crazy and sad it would be when Tony and Brittney were seniors and we'd be  sophmores! We thought that was so insane. And now, i'm here typing this, A month and six days from turning 16. Don't get me wrong, i can't wait to get my license and drive and everything, but i think it's crazy that i am. It doesn't seem like i should be 16 already. I feel like the older i get, the faster time goes by. And that makes me so sad. I want to live in this moment, this, i'm almost sixteen, my brother's still here, moment. God.. . now i'm crying. lol
Speaking of crying Coach Stacey resigned from being head coach tonight, and he broke down crying, one of his first years coaching, Chad Franklin died on our field. When you walk in our school, his jersey is framed there. My Pawpaw gave him mouth to mouth while the ambulance was on it's way.
Coach Stacey thanked my pawpaw tonight, and, i about cried. In case you didn't know, my pawpaw has cancer, although he's doing okay with the treatments, he's only gotten sick like twice. Which is really good, i think he's going to beat this.
So, i'm gonna leave with this tonight, be cliche and do everything you can that's high school, because we won't get it back in two and half years, we'll be wishing we did all those things that we sat at home instead of doing.
Hearts and memory lane.
- Kimberlee.

EOC, & Shopping.

Hey guys!
Today, we had to take the EOC, End of Course for biology. It was a really stupid state test that is worth 25% of  our entire grade, i'm really scared i did bad on it. Wanna know why? Because I studied for like three days with the practice test they gave us, and literally NOTHING was the same on the real test. So i might as well have not studied a single bit, i probably would've made the same thing. It didn't help that my teacher sucks really bad.

I left school early cause i had to go get fitted for the new top to my leg. :) My memay came to get me and we went shopping and Ross, Marshall's and Khol's, i got the rest of my Christmas shopping done, i hope all my friends like what i got them :) I know Brittney, Sara, and Dylan will for sure like what i got them, cause it's stuff that's completely them. :)

Also, yesterday on pandora i found a new Christian band, the Afters, and i really like them :)
Hearts and bands found on pandora.
- Kimberlee.

Workout.

I was doing my research paper for PE, yes a research paper for PE is the most stupid thing ever. But, i did mine over Bethany Hamilton.
If  you don't know who she is, then you're really missing out on being touched by her amazing story. She's a pro surfer and she lost her arm to a shark attack when she was 13. She was back in the water a month later and she's still a pro surfer today. There was a movie about her, based on her book: Soul Surfer. :)
And, she has inspired me a lot. Her along with the guy i met after i saw the movie Dolphin Tale, have made me become more comfortable with my disability. I really hate calling it that, i hate that i can't do things that everyone else can. But the bottom line is i just can't do it sometimes. I've come to terms with that a lot more here lately than i used to.
Tomorrow, I'm going to start working out again, my leg has been hurting me a lot lately, and i'm hoping if i slowly start building up its strength again, it won't hurt as bad. Plus, i'm entirely out of shape, and unhealthy. I barely eat anything good for me. I'm really good at drinking at least three bottles of water a day though.
I worked out like last spring and i felt soo much better, i'm really hoping to get back to that. Working out is a great stress reliever too. :)
If you feel better physically it makes you feel better about yourself mentally too. Like, i don't know, if i actually stick to working out this time, i'll be really proud of myself. lol

Oh, and today, i went shopping with my mom. I got a dress for the banquet, my bday party, and Kaitlin's. :) AND I ALSO FOUND SHORT BLACK BOOTS!!! And the heel wasn't too big! Me finding shoes i can wear is always a big deal. haha i have a love hate relationship with shoes. It's really difficult to find shoes to fit both of my feet. I had a really good day today. :)
Hearts and working out.
- Kimberlee. :)

Ruts

Lately, I've been in a rut, where I just go to school, sit at home, or do stuff with family.
And tonight, I've been so bored, that I've basically just sat on the computer or watched TV because I couldn't focus enough to read.
I need a social life. I can't wait to drive, it will make that so much easier.
On the upside, Kaitlin's birthday party will be really fun two weeks from now, and my friends and I are supposed to be having a Christmas party at some point, or at least we've talked about having one.
And i'm going to the football banquet next weekend, I wish I had a date, I wish I wasn't going to be sitting with my dad. I wish I could sit with my brother, my best friend, and them, but my brother wouldn't like that, and honestly I think I'd feel even more like a loser just tagging along with them.
If i had been a manager it wouldn't be so bad, because then I would've been invited anyway. But whatever, I'm going to be there for my brother, date or not.
I don't know why I feel so blahh about everything tonight, it's really annoying and I hate feeling like this. I'm in desperate need of BFF day.
I also only have two more people to buy gifts for and I'll be done Christmas shopping. :)
Hearts and lack of social lives.
- Kimberlee.